


Peter Parker's Potty Mouth

by PrxbablySleeping



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Things, I just love those two, Iron Dad, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter swears, Poor Buddy, like a lot, spider son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 18:47:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17106134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrxbablySleeping/pseuds/PrxbablySleeping
Summary: Peter swears and no one really expects it.Or five times Peter swore in front of grown ups.





	Peter Parker's Potty Mouth

1.

Peter Parker is a 17 year old Queens, New York native. He may be kind and respectful around his aunt and the Avengers, holding his tongue in even the most strenuous situations, but he is by no means niave to the mother tongue of his city. 

May Parker has raised her nephew since he was 5 and would like to think she knows him inside and out (of course, that was before she found out about Spider-Man). However, once she traded shifts with a colleague and decided to surprise Peter with breakfast, and she was proven at least slightly wrong. 

As she was preparing to flip the fluffy pancake, she heard an loud thud and soon after a loud, angry string of profanities that had her convinced the apartment had been broken into. But sure enough, when she rushed down the hall she was greeted by Peter on the floor, in his "I Survived NYC" shirt, holding his foot. 

"Fucking, fuck, jesus shit christ oh my fucking-" he muttered.

"Peter?"

The cursing immediately halted and Peter's head shot up, "oh no, May! I'm so sorry! I didn't know you were home! I didn't mean to-"

"Chill out, kid," May laughed as she crouched down, "is your foot okay?"

"I... I stubbed my toe..." he said sadly. 

"I know, baby. C'mon, maybe a pancake will make it better," she stood up and began to walk away, "and Peter?"

"Yeah, Aunt May?"

"Stop fucking swearing," she bursted out in giggles. 

2.

At least May had some kind of background. She knew that Peter swore, she had heard him when Ned came over. Tony? Tony had no clue. Tony thought the kid didn't even know what a curse word was. 

After a frustrating day, Peter really just wanted to relax. Flash had been on him more that day than usual, he got a D on his Spanish test, and to top the sundae, while he was doing his patrolling his left web shooter malfunctioned and didn't spray a web while he was swinging in between buildings. He managed to catch himself with his right one before he fell to the busy streets, however it still sent him tumbling into the next roof with not much grace. 

Now, he sat in Tony Starks lab, trying to open up the web shooter with the worlds tiniest screwdriver, all while his head throbbed and his senses poked and prodded at him until he twitched. Tony had left the lab for a minute, instructing Friday to keep an eye on the kid while he took a phone call, so when the web shooter zapped him for the fourth time he flew off the handle. 

Peter shot out of his chair and screamed with all the fury that had been building up that day, "FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" 

He threw the shooter across the lab as hard as he could, effectively shattering the solid metal into pieces, before crumpling to the floor and slouching against his work station. He placed his head in his hands, trying to block out any sounds or sights. Even the feeling of the desk he was leaning on touching him was making his skin crawl. He rubbed his eyes and finally looked up, folding his hands behind his neck in exasperation.

It was at that precise moment everything came rushing back and not only did he see Tont Stark standing six feet away from him, he also heard the person on the other end of his phone asking if Tony was still there. His expression was pure disbelief as he stood frozen and Peter immediately jumped to his feet. 

"Mr. Stark I'm so sorry! I thought you were still outside! I-I-I didn't mean t-to swear I just got so frustrated and-" Peter stuttered in a panic. 

"Whoa, kid, calm down." Tony pressed 'end call' on his phone, silencing whatever crotchety businessman was on the other end. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah I'm fine," Peter huffed, his fingers twitching, "I just... today's been hard." 

"I get it, kid, trust me. You want some hot chocolate?" Tony turned to his bot, "Dum-EE! Get Peter some hot chocolate, no motor oil this time."

"I'm really fine, Mr. Stark," Peter sat in his chair shakily. 

"Maybe, you're web shooter isn't, though," his mentor smiled. 

Peter looked at the bits and pieces laying on the slightly cracked floor and sighed, "they needed upgrades anyways..."

3.

To the Avengers, Peter was still just Tony's genius little intern. The only times they really saw him was when their paths would occasionally cross when he was on his way to or from Tony's lab. 

Steve had always tried to have a word with him when he did see him, though. Just a quick hello, or question of how he was doing. Truly Steve enjoyed talking to the kid and witnessing how kind he was, it gave him hope in the future generations. Admittedly, he also enjoyed how fidgety and nervous he seemed to make the starstruck teen. 

So when he saw Peter's beat up sneakers and blue jeans poking out from under the enormous pile of boxes he was carrying, Steve wanted go ask how his day was going. He was about to, in fact, until the small box on top of the pile slipped and tumbled to the ground, spraying knuts and bolts and tiny tools everywhere. 

"Oh, you fucking cunt!" Peter hissed as he kneeled down to place the boxes on the floor.

When the boxes were set aside and his vision was unobscured, he noticed Captain America standing in front of him with wide eyes. With most other people, Peter would ramble and try to apologize, but in that moment it felt as though his esophagus had shut and he couldn't even open his mouth to make a sound. The two of them stared at each other in shocked silence for a solid thirty seconds, before Steve suddenly lost his mind laughing. 

"I'm sorry I just really, really didn't expect that," Steve chuckled as he began to calm down and knelt to help Peter pick up the tiny objects. 

Peter finally swallowed and managed a small laugh if his own before hurriedly picking up the bits. 

4\. 

Deadpool swore like he was paid for it. He used the word 'fuck' more than he used the word 'the' and could come up with the most colorful insults you've ever heard on the fly. It was honestly a miracle Peter hadn't cracked around him yet but he almost felt like swearing in front of Wade would give him some kind of satisfaction that Peter didn't want to give. 

The mercenary would occasionally tag along with Peter when he saw him patrolling late. They had developed as tight of a friendship as two people who have no clue who the other person is can have. Peter knew that Deadpool's real name was Wade Wilson and he would let Peter know literally everything except for what he looked like under the mask. Wade knew even less about Spider-Man, just that he was in high school so he kept the dirty jokes to minimum, mild, and never directed towards Spidey. 

As little as the two really knew each other, Peter was more comfortable ranting to Wade than Ned sometimes. Ned was Peter's guy in the chair, but anytime he tried to express his struggles with being Spider-Man, Ned would always end up fanboying over his bestfriend being a superhero. So Deadpool got the brunt of that. 

The two were on top of separate buildings thathat were barely two feet apart from each other. Deadpool sat higher with his feet dangling off the edge, looking down at Spidey who was rapidly pacing back and forth, rattling off everything that came to his head.

"Honestly who cares about the small crap? Smoke weed, drink too much, whatever just don't hurt anyone. But I seriously can't comprehend what is going through these fucking idiots' brain's!" Spider-Man stopped in his tracks and looked up at Wade, who was grinning widely. "You know what? Fuck it. I'm too pissed to have a filter anymore. Anyways, how would it make any fucking sense to steal stupid shit like a fucking candy bar? If you're gonna steal, steal shit you seriously need, or better yet, get a fucking job or deal with going without your fucking Kit-Kat!"

Deadpool snickered and drew dicks on the brick while listening to Peter bitch. 

5.

If Tony Stark had a dollar for everytime he had to save the world, he'd probably only have like $7. Seven times, however, is way too many times for the world to be invaded in Tony's opinion.

Against Tony's better judgement, he let Peter hook his comm up to the Avengers feed and help. Peter wouldn't have taken no for an answer anyways, the swarm of alien termite-looking-things touched down in the heart of Queens. He was rapidly taking down the beasts, restraining them or sticking them to the floor before Tony would come by and blast them. Their teamwork was working out pretty well, that was until Peter saw one of aliens that was almost twice the size of the others ones, lingering dangerously close to his apartment building. It occurred to him that May would be home from work, and he found himself ignoring most of the other creatures as he rushed to the large one. Hey vaguely heard Tony over the comm asking where he was going as he fought off more aliens. 

Through his tunnel vision, Peter was able to shout something resembling, "May is in trouble!"

He didn't wait for Tony. Instead he stayed low, webbing up the creatures stringy legs and then throwing himself into it's back leg, making it cripple. The problem was, Peter didn't have enough time to get out from under it. 

The aliens legs came out from under it and its armoured body shoved Spider-Man against the pavement. Tony shouted as he disregarded the one he was fighting and hurled himself over to Peter. He didn't want to kill the thing yet in case it was keeping some of its weight off of him. 

"Guys I need help!" Tony shouted over the comm. 

Steve, Sam, Natasha and most of the others arrived to try and lift the thing off of Peter. Of course, that was before they saw it start to move on it's own. 

The creatures tangled legs lifted off the ground and under it, Spider-Man was lifting it upwards. He quickly rolled out from underneath, letting it crash back to the street. The Avengers gaped at him, Steve remembered the tankard he had dropped on him in Civil War. 

Peter looked at them all, huffing and slightly injured, "that fucking hurt."


End file.
